I recall a photo that I saw many years back, and I wish that I had access to it now to post. It is a picture of Christ on the cross and he’s flanked by the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. A picture is worth a thousand words, but I’ll try not to go that long.
This post will likely blend Easter and Christmas together, but that’s okay, because Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny go about as well as baseball, apple pie and America, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. One thing it does lack is a third member to make up their own Trinity, but as Meatloaf said, “Two out of three ain’t bad”. In order for me to be theologically correct, I’ll gratuitously throw in Halloween as that certainly does fit the other two “Holy Days” of Easter and Christmas, and All Saints Day. It also keeps my trinity theme in mind, and being thematically tight is a sign of cogent thought, even when on a rant, and a sure sign of reason.
I have to say, I do a mean imitation of The Grinch or Scrooge around Christmas, and during Easter it is often “Wabbit Season”. However, this goes for all of the holidays. I don’t care too much about them, and the obligatory buying of gifts, and hanging out with the family, which I always dread, and then typically enjoy heartily. I think that Seinfeld’s Festivus, with the annual feats of strength and airing of greivances would be a much more enjoyable family holiday. “A Festivus for the rest of us”.
I never told my own children that “Santa Claus” or the “Easter Bunny” was going to leave them stuff. I was actually shocked when I learned that some people expected or participated in “Easter Presents” other than chocolate rabbits and “Peeps”. So much for being of the popular culture. I even have gotten in trouble for telling my middle school aged students when reading a story, I think it was “The Gift of the Magi”, and when answering questions, explaining that there were cultural reasons for Santa Claus and the Easter bunny. Yes, one irate parent complained to the Principal and even wrote a letter to the Board of Education that I had ruined the “Holy Days” for her thirteen year old child. By the way, an ironic aside; this child was part of the “School Improvement Team”. Where students worked with administration, parents and staff to make the school better. Great idea eh? Now, I’m all for giving kids a voice in education, but it seems to me, that the only choices in the school day that this child, and most twelve year olds should make is what they want to buy from the cafeteria or if they want to brown bag. This girl brown bagged by the way as she was a rather radical Vegan and let everyone know it. Ahhh, the idiots I am forced to deal with. I bet most of these idiots really see the contemporary versions of Christmas and Easter as being Holy Days. You need to wake up and smell the choclate laced coffee.
My son, who makes my cynicism look like I’m a member of the Christmas and Easter rotary club is even more Scrooge like. Now, don’t get me wrong, he’s 18 and good at it. He doesn’t want to buy anyone anything, but more than expects to have others shell out big bucks for him. I guess we should have known there was a problem when we were called into the school office for him upsetting the class by saying that Santa and the Easter Bunny were a scam. He was in first grade.
For those who feel that this is an anti-Christian rant, it’s not. I am an equal opportunity hater of Halloween, one of the worst holidays in my mind. When I was a younger and not so reasonable man, I lived in a rather rural area, and would make the habit of tying my rather ornery 100 lb. German Shepherd – who was always in a bad mood towards strangers on my front porch. I wouldn’t allow my own children to trick or treat as I said there is much more to life than begging candy from friends. Well, that happened once or twice until my own kids were ready to start playing tricks on me. They actually didn’t, but I started to give out tricks instead. I still am tempted to do so, but the imminent threat of my lovey dovey hippy wife has brought antoher change. I used to randomly put ketchup packets, duck sauce, taco bell hot sauce packets in the little Halloween wrappers. I also have been known to give out a six pack of tuna fish for Christmas parties with a gift certificate buried inside, oh the pure evil joy of the holidays. I’ve mellowed since. IAgain, threats of divorce or castration while I sleep are powerful motivators and now we buy tons on Halloween candy and typically give all to my 18 year old son when it is done, as we have few visitors even though we live in a fairly well populated area. However, when I see some older teen ager hitting me up for free choclate, I want to bring out the ghost of “Baron” or run to the fridge and take out a handful of ketchup packets.
So much the same for Easter, and the trappings. I don’t need it, and happily proclaim it as “Wabbit Season”.