I have a concern about the runaway corruption that occurs every day in our nation, and it’s not just about the hoops and barrels fathers often have to go through in order that custodial issues over divorce, such as free and liberal visitation are enjoyed by the absent parent, and typically this is the father, but over an even more insidious trend in this nation – the non reporting to fathers of their parenthood by state and county agencies.
Imagine you are a young man, or an older man and you contribute to a pregnancy. You then find out that the child you played a part in bringing into this planet has been adopted out by an agency, and you have no custodial or parental rights. The child doesn’t exist. Well, don’t feel badly, you’re lucky. In many instances mothers are “counselled” this is code speak for coerced, by overzealous adoption brokers, whose commitment to their “cause” is about as sincere as an apology as a five year old with their hand caught in the cookie jar, to not disclose the name of the father on either the birth certificate or when the child is surrendered, and if the father was not informed, abducted is the more correct word.
The secrecy and codes that the adoption agencies work under would make a man as meticulous as Reinhard Heydrich, the head of the Gestapo, smile with a sense of a job well done, and rest assured, this blatant denial of the most basic human right – the right of parenthood with its responsibilities is another thing he would be proud of.
Consider the case of this Dad.
In regards to dads searching – today is my sons birthday, the first one that I have been able to send him a card and a present, the first that I have been able to call him and wish him a good day, the first that my mind hasn’t been wondering where he is, how he is doing!
Back in the day we were suppose to just sign the papers, walk away from the adoption and never look back. And that is what I had tried to do for 30 some years until that night. I can’t say that it was a very healthy thing to do and I am done hiding it. It happened, it is a part of my life and it is time to make good on the bad of the past.
After 30 some years, I called my son’s B-mom to see if she knew anything of our son.
As I consider how lucky I am to have five children, I can only imagine the mixture of fear and guilt and longing you must have lived with. Yet, you were not unlucky, you knew he was out there. Today, many of your brothers are denied even the knowledge of an existence of a child that came from them. I think that they deserve that knowledge.
Will someone come forward and put an end to this practice by making states follow the same rules throughout the country. Will someone put an end to the half-truths and deception that goes on fueled by fear, shame, and desire. The agencies will only show smiling faces, but that is not the full story. If it were the full story, they would be fully candid and open with both parents about the process.
While there is a reason they are smiling, it’s not about justice or doing the right thing.