A Voice of Reason: Sane Views for a Crazy World

April 13, 2007

What About Daddy?

Filed under: Adoption,children,Culture,Politics — avoiceofreason @ 6:17 am

I have a concern about the runaway corruption that occurs every day in our nation, and it’s not just about the hoops and barrels fathers often have to go through in order that custodial issues over divorce, such as free and liberal visitation are enjoyed by the absent parent, and typically this is the father, but over an even more insidious trend in this nation – the non reporting to fathers of their parenthood by state and county agencies.

Imagine you are a young man, or an older man and you contribute to a pregnancy. You then find out that the child you played a part in bringing into this planet has been adopted out by an agency, and you have no custodial or parental rights. The child doesn’t exist. Well, don’t feel badly, you’re lucky. In many instances mothers are “counselled” this is code speak for coerced, by overzealous adoption brokers, whose commitment to their “cause” is about as sincere as an apology as a five year old with their hand caught in the cookie jar, to not disclose the name of the father on either the birth certificate or when the child is surrendered, and if the father was not informed, abducted is the more correct word.

The secrecy and codes that the adoption agencies work under would make a man as meticulous as Reinhard Heydrich, the head of the Gestapo, smile with a sense of a job well done, and rest assured, this blatant denial of the most basic human right – the right of parenthood with its responsibilities is another thing he would be proud of.

Consider the case of this Dad.

In regards to dads searching – today is my sons birthday, the first one that I have been able to send him a card and a present, the first that I have been able to call him and wish him a good day, the first that my mind hasn’t been wondering where he is, how he is doing!

Back in the day we were suppose to just sign the papers, walk away from the adoption and never look back. And that is what I had tried to do for 30 some years until that night. I can’t say that it was a very healthy thing to do and I am done hiding it. It happened, it is a part of my life and it is time to make good on the bad of the past.

After 30 some years, I called my son’s B-mom to see if she knew anything of our son.

As I consider how lucky I am to have five children, I can only imagine the mixture of fear and guilt and longing you must have lived with. Yet, you were not unlucky, you knew he was out there. Today, many of your brothers are denied even the knowledge of an existence of a child that came from them. I think that they deserve that knowledge.

Will someone come forward and put an end to this practice by making states follow the same rules throughout the country. Will someone put an end to the half-truths and deception that goes on fueled by fear, shame, and desire. The agencies will only show smiling faces, but that is not the full story.  If it were the full story, they would be fully candid and open with both parents about the process.

While there is a reason they are smiling,  it’s not about justice or doing the right thing.

7 Comments »

  1. Isn’t this what we asked for? When we said “it’s a WOMAN’s right to have an abortion” and that the father doesn’t need to be consulted?

    Seems that society believes the father is only required in the event the mother decides to be bothered and then only for child support. No involvement needed.

    Television makes this worse. Can you think of a television show with a husband/wife/children where the father is NOT treated like an idiot? Oh excuse me, the last person to ask that question was ridiculed.

    One way I would like to contradict you, you suggested that “someone come forward and put an end to this practice by making states follow the same rules throughout the country.” While this is a strong moral issue, it’s not a federal issue. This does nothing to insure domestic tranquility or provide for the common defense. It can be argued that it promotes the general Welfare and establishes Justice. Regardless, I feel the Federal government should stay out. Instead, We the People should rise up, speak our mind, and vote with our wallets on television and in the election booth.

    Comment by Randy — April 13, 2007 @ 11:38 am | Reply

  2. Your last two points make the case for more Federal oversight if not control in this issue. I would also pose that an equal protection aspect is being put on people on the basis of race, so that would be civil rights violoations, wouldn’t it?

    Will write down more, time to go earn some money.

    Comment by avoiceofreason — April 13, 2007 @ 12:01 pm | Reply

  3. Great points, Voice and Randy. We have sexual ethics so totally broken that no Federal initiative could fix it, even if it was Constitutional (it’s not). Given that mothers can pay a complete stranger to crush and dismember their unborn children, and guys are usually the ones driving the decision, shows that nothing else could be surprising.

    Comment by Neil — April 13, 2007 @ 12:01 pm | Reply

  4. Great post AVOR. I am really loving this Blog.

    Randy you are on point on several issues.

    Isn’t this what we asked for? When we said “it’s a WOMAN’s right to have an abortion” and that the father doesn’t need to be consulted?
    Let me get this right. A man get a woman pregnant and doesn’t want it = Deadbeat Dad.
    A woman gets pregnant and doesn’t want it and has an abortion = A woman’t choice

    Television makes this worse. Can you think of a television show with a husband/wife/children where the father is NOT treated like an idiot?
    You’re right. Overall fathers/men do get a bad deal on TV. Every week my family (wife and 1year old daughter) watch Lincoln Heights. It’s a great show with an intact family that makes you “feel good.” Now lately there have been 2 movies to come out that paint fathers in a good light. The Pursuit of Happiness come to mind, but I can’t remember the other one.

    While this is a strong moral issue, it’s not a federal issue. This does nothing to insure domestic tranquility or provide for the common defense. It can be argued that it promotes the general Welfare and establishes Justice. Regardless, I feel the Federal government should stay out. Instead, We the People should rise up, speak our mind, and vote with our wallets on television and in the election booth.
    You’re right. Keep the feds out of this. The last thing we need is the president setting policy on fatherhood, adoption, or child support. On the other hand I can see where we would want 1 set of rules and regulations for these key points.

    A lot of these laws vary by state. In some states if you find out that you have been taking care of another man’s child the state will force you to continue to pay child support.

    In some states if you find out that it’s not your child you can’t sue the mother of the child unless you can prove that it was really fraud.

    These are Men’s rights issues and I think that it’s time that we MEN stand up and hold lawmakers accountable.

    Comment by LLR — April 13, 2007 @ 2:21 pm | Reply

  5. When you involve the Feds you get more equity and sometimes sacrifice efficiency. However, the current system is neither equitable or efficient.

    Comment by avoiceofreason — April 14, 2007 @ 4:17 am | Reply

  6. When you involve the Feds you get more equity and sometimes sacrifice efficiency. However, the current system is neither equitable or efficient.

    True I do look forward to the day that a lot of state will fix a lot of their laws concerning family issues.

    Comment by LLR — April 15, 2007 @ 12:16 am | Reply

  7. […] information was the inspiration for an earlier post of “What About Daddy“. In this case it may be some individual that is lower than whale feces, but as a policy, […]

    Pingback by Stephanie's Case: There is What's Right, What's Wrong, and the Law « A Voice of Reason: Sane Views for a Crazy World — April 17, 2007 @ 6:01 am | Reply


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