As you know my wife was adopted, and I have posted about the trials and trevails that this has brought to her and at times to myself as she has dealt with the confusing, but oh so real emotions that an adopted child has about their place in the world any everything.
My wife knew nothing about her biological family and had been searching for information off and on for the past 25 years. In some ways, in a very minimal way, I hope she has felt that although she is alone in this, that she has felt some support.
Recently, the drive and need to know had been growing within her. For the past few years I’d been telling her to hire a detective agency and see if that would yield any information. She would resist, citing money problems, which are often real, but really I believe showing a fear that maybe they wouldn’t be found, or what to do if they were found. Last week, I guess she had reached a point and told me she had been saving money for this end. I told her the hell with saving money, just do it, hire the agency. She balked at the cost, and I asked her, in the course of a lifetime what does the money mean as compared to knowing. She contacted an agency, and within 48 hours, she had a family, a name, a past, a mother – who does not yet know she is found, a sister and brother, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles.
The next step is establishing contact. This is not as easy as it sounds, and this is nerve wracking for her – as there is always a very real possibility of rejection. There is also a flurry of information that she has – a past – complete with the knowledge of the job that her biological great grandmother did – she worked in a poultry store, the county in Ireland where her great grandfather emigrated from in 1914. She has even found on the internet photos of her family.
My role in this is minimal. I occassionally post about adoptees, and it is because of my own thin connection with my own wife that I am made more aware of how it touches my own family’s life. However, this is not about me, nor my family, nor is it wholly about my wife. Though I am happy for her, I know there are many who are in the same shoes she was in out there, and maybe some few happen across my blog when I post. All I can share is that, I am happy for her, and I hope that you are successful if you are an adopted child, or a mother who surrendered a child, and now yearns for contact. While it may take great effort, and it may even cost three to four thousand dollars, ask yourself what I asked my wife, “In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter”.
In the course of a lifetime there are probably few things that matter. I think finding out that you have a famliy is one of them.
If you have exhausted all means, please leave a comment and my wife or I would be able to give you a list of resources to use in finding your birth family.