My wife and I had a conversation on the way to an Easter Sunday family gathering. I had hinted at it, and I out and out said it. What do you think about adopting a child.
The reaction was stone cold silence. We had discussed children in the past, it had met the same reaction. I accept this, and I think that a part of it is a reaction to hitting middle age. My children are 23, 21, 18,17 and 16. I don’t feel that I am wanting a child because I recognize I am on the back nine of life. There are other reasons for desiring the experience of a child with my wife, and us raising that child together. I guess I’ll have to hint that grandkids would be a nice idea, once my children find potential spouses to satisfy this yearning. By the way an hour or so of holding one of my many grand nieces/nephews took the edge off, and hearing them cry really helped.
My wife is an adoptee, and I by proxy have become interested and hopefully empathetic to her issues concerning not knowing her birth mother, and the mounds of red tape that she goes through trying to even get her non-identifying information. However, in truth, I’ll never know how she feels, and candidly I am thankful that I won’t.
Another issue she has, and I have learned many other adoptee children have is what I call the I’m mad at you, my birth mom and everyone syndrome. Even though her adoptive parents did their best and loved her, and she had the “pool and the pony” so typical of adopted children’s experiences, she was deemed ungrateful; some times I think – in moments of non empathy, she’s earned it. Many people simply will never understand, and I think I have begun to do so, that sense of the missing piece that leads to so many adopted children growing up, and being “ungrateful”. Trust me, there are times when she gets on that roll, and when it happens, she’s no fun to live with.
However, there are a group of children, many now who are growing up, who have an even more viable reason to be “ungrateful”, and I refer to the generation growing among us, the test tube generation. Think about what these kids go through. Am I person or am I a human/dell project put together from only the best parts that a catalogue of prospective mothers and fathers could buy. I mean, I think EVERY child wants to believe that they were conceived from some concept of love ( I know some aren’t).
However, I can’t imagine the mixed emotions that these sci-fi children must feel. Even a social faux pas in the back of a Chevy on a hot July night, has to be BLISS considering the research and marketing that goes into these type of “parental” choices. So, adopted kids, move over on the ungrateful bandwagon, cause, there’s a new bunch of kids in town, and these kids aren’t in the same ballpark, they’re not in the same f***ing sport, to quote Pulp Fiction.
They have issues that Freud in his wildest dreams couldn’t have fathomed. Q: Tell me about your mother. A. She was picked from a catalogue for her GPA, skin tone and facial structure and also was D&D free (not dungeons and dragons for any geeks who may be stopping by). Freud is rolling over in his grave, and cursing himself that he didn’t think and have some part of him saved, so he could be cloned, because these kids, well, let’s just say that why do I overeat and seem to be stuck in the oral phase, just got bumped by a whole other bunch of issues.
Consider your average John and Jane Q “Can’t Have a Kid”. I know many don’t fit the profile, but a hell of a lot do. They marry, say in their 20’s or lately early 30’s. They both have a career, and they really want to keep that career and have a kid when they have it all. So, the biological clock starts to tick away and if they are lucky they have a child. Of course the “fact” that children born by mothers after a certain year have a much higher chance of developing issues, including miscarriage, and also learning disabilities, down’s syndrome and other minor inconveniences, won’t stand in the way of too close to middle age to have a kid from “having it all”. Then you have the others that waited a bit too long. Or they find out that John’s sperm count is lower than President Bush’s approval ratings, or that Jane’s womb has become as welcoming as the Serengetti Plains during drought season. Now, rational people suck it up and move on, and consider other options, like adoption.
But no, not John and Jane, they MUST have their biology pass on, and the hell with the fact they didn’t wait. So, they try, and maybe they succeed. Or, maybe they don’t, but they want to have a “wee wittle baby of their dreams”, so they don’t adopt a child, and honestly the miles of red tape and the Tony Soprano mentality of some “adoption agencies”, and I trust these groups about as much as I would Bill Clinton at a sorority dance, make them decide to purchase a child piece by piece, just like a Dell it is custom made. They rent a woman’s uterus, purchase her egg and a man’s sperm, and instant family!
This leads them to find Mr. Perfect Sperm and Ms. Wonderful Egg, kinda of a scary hi tech Barbie and Ken search, I mean Who wants an ugly-stupid kid?
Certainly, not Jennalee Ryan, and yes she’s a real person, so maybe she’s out there reading; she runs a Dell/baby company, and justifies it, and yes, that above link are her words. Jane, “people” like you, make me in favor of retroactive abortion rights – well after the third trimester. You remind me of… Josef, not MARY and Joseph you sci-fi facist, Josef Mengele.
Gandhi once said, “Science without Humanity” is a social sin.
If this offends you, remember that all people deserve to at least believe they were welcomed, and wanted, but putting together a “human being” from a list of vendors was warned to mankind as early as Mary Shelly in Frankenstein. Life is the life of life, wrote Pascal. I think that means you take what life gives you with grace, and don’t play God. If you try to, you’re likely to piss the real one off.
If you are concerned about this issue of mass marketing human beings, please consider this site.
Because Children have Rights. We all do.